Yesterday, as I was folding laundry, I had a moment that stopped me in my tracks. I caught myself folding towels in all different ways—some in half, some in thirds, some with corners misaligned. There was no rhyme or reason to my folds, and for a second, it felt like an epiphany.
This might sound trivial, but for most of my life, I was the kind of person who folded laundry a very specific way. Towels had to be neat and precise, corners perfectly aligned, and stacks uniform. If someone helped me and didn’t fold them “correctly,” I’d feel this surge of frustration. More often than not, I’d refold everything, sometimes even getting upset.
I convinced myself that this was part of who I was—someone who took pride in being super neat, organized, and detail-oriented. But as I reflect now, I realize those traits weren’t really about pride or cleanliness. They were about control.
I was trying so hard to control the outside world because the inside of me felt so out of control and chaotic. My life was a storm of unresolved trauma, anger, and broken trust, and I didn’t know how to face it. Instead, I channeled that chaos into things like folding laundry perfectly, keeping everything in its place, and creating an illusion of order.
It’s true what they say—angry people live in angry bodies. For me, it wasn’t always outright anger; it was tension, rigidity, and a constant need for everything to be “just right.” I thought I was managing my life, but in reality, I was letting my trauma manage me.
Fast forward to now. For months, I’ve been folding towels, bedding, and clothes without much thought. No perfect folds, no uniform stacks. And guess what? Life has gone on. Nothing bad happened because a towel wasn’t folded a certain way.
That moment yesterday reminded me how far I’ve come. I no longer feel the need to microman
age every little detail. I’ve worked hard to address the chaos inside of me—the hurt, the broken trust, the unresolved anger—and in doing so, I’ve realized that so many of the things I used to obsess over were just manifestations of my pain.
Healing isn’t just about big breakthroughs or grand gestures. Sometimes, it’s as simple as letting go of things you once thought were critical. For me, it’s about folding a towel haphazardly and realizing that the world won’t fall apart.
If you’re someone who feels overwhelmed, who finds themselves latching onto control or perfection in little things, take a step back. Ask yourself if those patterns are truly serving you, or if they’re just masking something deeper.
Life is so much better when you address the hurts that weigh you down. It’s better when you let go of the control and focus on peace. Healing isn’t about perfection—it’s about finding freedom in the messiness of life.
And trust me, life feels so much lighter on the other side.
