I Finally Found My Lane

For years, I struggled to answer one simple question:

“What do you do?”

The answer was never simple.

Am I a survivor?

A paramedic?

A speaker?

A trainer?

An advocate?

Do I teach about domestic violence? Brain injury? Trauma? The nervous system? Functional neurology? Healing?

Every time I tried to define myself by just one of those things, it felt incomplete.

Because my story has never fit neatly into one category.

And neither does healing.

Over the past twenty years, I have lived through childhood abuse, domestic violence, near-fatal strangulation, brain injury, years of misdiagnoses, chronic illness, and countless questions that no one seemed able to answer.

Like so many survivors, I wasn’t just trying to heal from what happened to me.

I was trying to understand why my brain, body, and nervous system no longer worked the way they once had.

For years, I searched for answers.

I saw more than fifty healthcare providers.

I was told I had anxiety.

Depression.

Migraines.

POTS.

Possible multiple sclerosis.

None of those explanations truly answered the question that mattered most:

What happened inside me because of what happened to me?

Everything changed the day someone finally began explaining the “why.”

Not just what symptoms I had.

Not another diagnosis.

Not another medication.

An explanation.

I learned how trauma changes the brain.

How repeated stress reshapes the nervous system.

How oxygen deprivation from strangulation can injure the brain.

How brain injury, trauma, inflammation, hormones, nutrition, sleep, and the nervous system all influence one another.

For the first time in my life, my experiences made sense.

And once they made sense, healing became possible.

That’s when I realized something that has completely changed the direction of my work.

People don’t just need more information.

They need understanding.

Because understanding changes everything.

When survivors understand why they struggle, shame begins to lose its grip.

When families understand what their loved one is experiencing, frustration often becomes compassion.

When professionals understand what trauma and brain injury actually do inside the brain and body, the way they respond can change lives.

Understanding doesn’t erase pain.

It doesn’t excuse harmful behavior.

It doesn’t make healing happen overnight.

But it gives us a map.

And without a map, healing often feels impossible.

For a long time, I thought I needed to choose one lane.

Should I focus on domestic violence?

Brain injury?

Trauma?

The nervous system?

Survivors?

Professionals?

Then I realized I wasn’t meant to choose between them.

I was meant to connect them.

Because these conversations have never been separate.

They are all part of the same story.

Every day, I meet survivors who have been told to “just move on.”

Families who don’t understand why someone they love has changed.

Professionals who desperately want to help but have never been taught how trauma and brain injury intersect.

The missing piece is often the same.

Understanding.

So this is the direction I’m moving.

Everything I create—from my YouTube videos and podcast to my training, speaking, and writing—will center around one mission:

Helping survivors, families, professionals, and communities understand what happened inside someone because of what happened to them.

Because healing begins with understanding.

Not because understanding fixes everything.

But because it gives us the foundation to build on.

Next week, I’ll have the privilege of taking this message to a national audience as I speak at the National Conference on Domestic Violence in Austin, Texas.

As I prepare for that opportunity, I find myself reflecting on just how far this journey has brought me.

There was a time when I truly believed my life was over.

Two different physicians told me I would likely never see the age of fifty.

Today, at 52, I’m healthier, stronger, and more hopeful than I have ever been—not because my past disappeared, but because I finally began to understand it.

That understanding changed the course of my life.

My hope is that it can help change yours, too.

Whether you’re a survivor searching for answers, someone trying to support a loved one, or a professional who wants to serve others more effectively, I hope you’ll join me on this journey.

Because this isn’t just a new chapter.

In many ways, it feels like a new beginning.

And I truly believe the best is still ahead.

Healing begins with understanding.